In many cases, the family will hold the visitation in their home, although they may set a specific time at the funeral home. The standard protocol for a funeral visitation is to stop by, introduce yourself to the family if needed and pay your condolences, and then leave after a short period of time. How long you need to stay or should stay depends on several factors, such as how well you know the family, how busy they are, how much they seem to want company, and where the visitation is taking place.
You are not required to actually view the body at a funeral viewing. Many people are a bit uncomfortable with the idea of attending a viewing, but keep in mind that funeral viewing etiquette does not require you to actually look at or spend time with the deceased if you are not comfortable doing so.
You should be prepared for the deceased to be in the room with you, however, and for the possibility of an open casket, which is very common. In many cases, a viewing is not a religious service, so there may not be a formal prayer said or even any type of formal order of events. This is simply a time for you and others who knew the deceased and his or her family to stop by and say a last goodbye. A viewing will often last for several hours and you should not feel obligated to show up at the beginning or stay for the entire time.
Wear relatively formal, conservative clothing, and remember to give your condolences to any family members who are present. You may want to stay for a little while to speak with other mourners about the deceased. If you do decide to view the body, wait for a moment when no one else is with the deceased — or stand quietly nearby until other people have finished so as not to disturb them.
Take a few moments to stand by the casket. You may want to kneel, say a prayer, say a few words silently to yourself about the deceased, or simply bow your head for a moment of silence. There is no need to linger; simply spending a minute or two in silent respect for the deceased is perfectly fine.
For many people, the idea of a wake suggests an uplifting event, where people drink and toast the deceased. This type of wake is often held in the home of the deceased, with the body present, and friends and family are invited. Everyone can share stories and memories of the deceased , as well as offering their condolences to the family. Depending on the family, it may be a largely religious affair.
Wakes are similar to viewings, and part of good funeral wake etiquette is to have a few favorite stories to tell about the deceased and words of condolence for the family. Customer Care How Can we help? Live Chat 1 support perfectmemorials. Reviews Reviews Testimonials. Close Language. Toggle Nav. Wood Cremation Urns. If you do, don't linger very long at the casket. It is important to sign the guest book so the family has a record of who attended the visitation.
There will also be envelopes available should you consider making a monetary donation on behalf of the loved one. Attending a visitation is a great way to provide support to the family in a casual setting. It also allows you to express your condolences if you are unable to attend the funeral service. Request a planning guide. Grief Support. The short answer is, yes. Especially if the person who dies was someone you knew very well. In fact, most people would consider it the respectable thing to do.
However, to know for sure whether or not you should attend both services such as in the case that the deceased was an acquaintance you first need to know the difference between a wake and funeral. A wake is usually held the night before a funeral service. It is a solemn but relatively casual event.
The casket or urn is present. Family and friends are given the opportunity to view the remains and visit with one another in an unstructured manner. In North America, the wake is generally used interchangeably with the terms viewing or visitation. The wake gets its name from the olden days. Family or friends of the deceased would stay awake to watch over the body keeping guard or holding a vigil until it was ready to be buried.
Learn more about wakes and appropriate etiquette here. There will be lots of hugs and laughter sprinkled among the tears. And yes, you can talk about things other than the deceased. Your fear is universal! There is no one-size-fits-all, but here are some guidelines:. Those are all personal details, none of which should concern anyone outside the immediate family. Heaven is beautiful, but for us at this time, Heaven could have waited to call our loved one home.
The words you write will mean so much more to that relative than those written by the professional greeting-card writer, even if yours are not as poetic. Only relatives and those specially invited to participate in the private funeral may attend.
The family is grieving, so to tell you no only adds something else uncomfortable to their already-full days of sadness. Write carefully. And practice. The average time allowed in a funeral for each eulogy is ten minutes or less. Try to share the essence of who the person was. Stick mostly to the positive. Tell a story of the two of you that makes others laugh. In fact, laughter is a must to make it through this hard day.
I love this article by Tom Chiarella, writing for Esquire about how to give a great eulogy. It depends. Some people have public funerals and then private burials. The burial is by far the most emotional part of the funeral process. In general, fewer people attend. The reception can be held before or after the burial. If the burial comes after the reception, even fewer people will be in attendance outside of family members.
If either or both are open to everyone, you may attend if you like. How do I say my goodbye to the family on the day of the funeral?
If you do have the opportunity to say goodbye, do so quickly the family members are so tired at this point , telling them what a beautiful service it was and that you will be calling on them, or whatever will be your next point of contact, if any, in the coming weeks.
This post helps with what food to bring now and in the days to come. Grief sets in hard like dry cement when people stop calling, texting, sending cards and letters, bringing food, coming over for talks, or to listen to the friend cry, to watch a movie together, or whatever it might be. For a lot of guests, the funeral marks the beginning of the end of their grief.
For the loved ones of the deceased, the funeral marks, at most, the end of their shock and the beginning of their pain. We tend to feel that the grieving are fragile, and, in one sense, they are. They have to have it. They need you.
They need you now more than ever. People thought they had to have words to help me.
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